Anal Toys

Review • Lovehoney Classic Butt Plug Large • Too Big for My Britches

lovehoney-classic-large-plug“That’s going inside you??” Pinky asked, incredulously. “This is going inside me!” I responded, beaming with confidence.

Spoiler alert: my butt isn’t the champion I thought it was. You might say my eyes were bigger than my brown eye. Way to deflate a butt’s ego, Lovehoney Classic Large.

No-nonsense, with a well-designed base that tucks into the cheeks for safe keeping, and a slot at the base for a bullet vibrator, this satiny 100% silicone beast is heftier and firmer than I expected.

You could probably knock someone out swinging it mace-style at the bottom of a gym sock.

I liberally greased it up with oil-based Coconu lube, I huffed, and I puffed, and I…couldn’t get it in. I even tried sitting on it. My poor butthole was no match for the Lovehoney Classic Large. Like, not even close. What-was-I-thinking not even close.

lovehoney-classic-large-butt-plug-2This plug, with an insertable length of five-and-a-half-inches, is definitely intended for the – how do I say this? – spacious among us. I love it, but *cue cheesy pornstar voice* it’s toooo big!

I should’ve opted for the Lovehoney Classic Medium Butt Plug, but my butt was strutting like a peacock after taking the Tantus Bronco, whose insertion now feels effortless in comparison.

Here’s why I’m digging it so much in spite of the fact that it’s not going inside my butt any time soon: it’s so soft, lint-free, and heavy. For a $23 plug, I expected something flimsy.

A few days after my fruitless undertaking, I was messing around with my friend, knowing the plug would be the perfect size for his well-seasoned booty. I made a game out of pretending as though the plug was too big, keeping it just on the precipice of being drawn in as he masturbated.

When I finally let his sphincter consume the widest part of the bulb (a formidable seven-and-a-half-inches in circumference), the pop was so satisfying, he came on the spot. “Oh good,” I thought, “I’ll save this plug for when he visits.”

So, if you’ve got a chasm, give yourself a ‘gasm with this baby nested snugly in your bum.

Lovehoney Classic Large $22.99 at Lovehoney

Thank you to Lovehoney for sending me the Lovehoney Classic Large for review!

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