Vibrators

Review • We-Vibe Tango • Bullets for Peace

We-Vibe-Tango-SequinsOh, We-Vibe Tango. Everybody’s darling. Potent, and so compact: a mighty lil’ phenom, a force to be reckoned with. Tango is what you would end up with if you shrunk a big ol’ wand-style vibrator down to the size of a middle finger to flip off lesser sex toys.

It’s a USB rechargeable clitoral bullet vibrator made from body-safe ABS thermoplastic. No dust! No hair! No lint! You can let this baby roll around on the carpet all you want, and that’s not even innuendo.

It comes in pink, cobalt blue, and my favorite of all sex toy colors – white – if you buy it as part of the Pleasure Mate Collection. You could stage your own kinky re-enactment of John and Yoko’s Bed-In with that little white bullet. Bullets for peace.

Tango eclipses those dime-a-dozen, bullshit bullets (bull-sh-ets?), assuring you the oomph you need to achieve orgasm. Those who need heavy doses of rumbly, pinpoint stimulation in order to orgasm can use it on its own, or for more diffuse vibrations, pop it into your favorite bullet vibe-compatible dildo, anal beadsbutt plug, silicone sleeve, Fleshlight Vibro, strap-on harness, strapless strap-on, et al.

Screen Shot 2015-10-18 at 11.24.03 PMAt 3.5 inches long, Tango is a little long if I want to use it inside strap-on dildos whose bullet cavities are parallel with the body of the dildo, as I mentioned in my review of the Pleasure Works Rookie. Dildos like those in the Fuze collection – whose bullet hollows sit at an angle – position the extra Tango length conveniently between my legs.

It’s waterproof, and fully submergible, so I can take it into the bath – and better yet, I don’t have to wash it separately from whatever toy I’ve housed it in.

A small circular silicone layer on the bottom serves as a one button interface to scroll through four intensities and four patterns. Ironically, I like the lowest of the four intensities the least. I can’t orgasm (comfortably) on the first setting, because it feels like a million tiny kangaroo fists boxing my clit. As you crank up the speed, the vibrations become smoother and less individually pronounced – more of a whirr, less of a growl.

As I accelerate speed, orgasms blast forth like butter from a movie theater popcorn butter pump. Okay, I admit, that was a disgusting analogy. They blast forth like a wellspring of ecstasy. Whatever. It gives me lots of orgasms. Through my underwear, through my pants, through my pads

The best word to describe Tango’s power would be epic. So epic, in fact, I made a video to show you what happens when I set this unassuming little object down on a flat surface…

Did they name it Tango cuz that thing dances like nobody’s watching?

It’s not all sunshine and roses, though. Tango does have some issues, so let’s address them:

  • The charging indicator light has to be in a precise position to stay lit. The magnetic contacts of the charger are connected to the toy, but…is it charging? I have no clue, so I make sure to set it down very carefully in the proper position.
  • Tango’s battery life leaves something to be desired. Some days the “charge me!” light will blink, or the dang thing will shut off altogether despite the fact that I just charged it that day and I could’ve sworn I only used it for thirty minutes. It cut out mid-masturbation on me just today. Run-time seems to vary anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour and a half.
  • I’ve heard bad things about Tango’s reliability. Shortly after We-Vibe unveiled the first generation Tango, the sex toy-o-sphere began clamoring that Tangos were dying mysterious, untimely deaths. We-Vibe released the upgraded, second generation Tango, ostensibly addressing the problem. It comes with a 1 year warranty, and I’ve heard they’re good about replacing defective items.
  • A testament to its power, but nevertheless a mild nuisance, is the fact that it gets kind of hot after a while. Not “ouch!” hot by any means, but something worth mentioning.
  • Y U no travel lock? They sent me the pink Tango, and usually I’d be pretty “meh” about the color, but I like that combined with its beveled edge, it looks like a tube of lipstick. A discreet, pocket-sized vibrator that looks like cosmetics…with no travel lock. C’mon We-Vibe, really? On the plus side, mine has never turned on accidentally, so maybe my complaint is unfounded.

To conclude our broadcast, I’ve never met a toy with this level of vibe-muscle in such a petite package. I love it. Have I adequately conveyed my adoration? LOVE IT.

If you’ve never had an orgasm, experience anorgasmia due to pelvic nerve damage, or side effects of medication – this is your toy. Or if you just want a teeny-tiny, rumblier, and much quieter alternative to the Hitachi – Tango’s where it’s at. We-Vibe Tango: though she be but little, she is fierce!

$79.99 at SheVibe, $79 at Early to Bed, $79 at Peepshow Toys.

Thank you, We-Vibe, for sending me a Tango for review!

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