Masturbators, Vibrators

Review • Fun Factory Cobra Libre 2 Penile Vibrator • An Old Beater

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Today is Pinky’s 28th birthday (Happy Birthday, Pinky!) and he’s here to tell us all about the Cobra Libre II from Fun Factory. With no further adieu…

I was looking forward to testing out the Cobra Libre II as soon as Heather told me about it. It’s billed by Fun Factory as a “sensitive, innovative, powerful” penis massager—basically a vibrator for penises. The idea of enveloping my junk in a snug sleeve of pure liquid vibration seemed like a can’t-miss concept.

Now that I have experimented with the CLII a number of times, I have to regretfully admit that there may be a reason why penis-vibrators aren’t as huge a success as they are for the clitorally-inclined.

In terms of form, the toy is undoubtedly sleek. We opted for the more literary red and black color scheme, and upon seeing the glossy black plastic exterior, accentuated with silver ‘wheels’ and a matte red silicone ‘racing-stripe,’ the Cobra Libre II was henceforth known in this house as “the race-car,” or just “the car” for short.

Each test-drive began in such good humor, and anticipation of the “more powerful orgasms” promised in the product copy—and each ended in frustration and disappointment. Still a novice in the land of sex toys for penises, I was open to anything. It turns out, however, that vibrations—or at least those provided by the Cobra Libre II—just ain’t this wang’s thang. Allow me to explain further.

Still a novice in the land of sex toys for penises, I was open to anything. It turns out, however, that vibrations—or at least those provided by the Cobra Libre II—just ain’t this wang’s thang. Allow me to explain further.

While the aesthetics of the toy are sound, when it comes down to actually using it, the CLII is awkward. When your hands are slippery with lube (as they will inevitably be), it’s hard to get a decent grip on the thing, and especially hard to press the buttons with the requisite firmness. Maybe not exactly the toy’s fault, but it’s strike one, and we’re just getting started. It’s not intuitive which direction the CLII is meant to be held—buttons facing in or out—although Fun Factory’s official pictures confirm that facing in is the way to go.

I eventually decided this on my own, but the fact is it didn’t make much of a difference. In my estimation, when using a toy that involves penis-insertion, the mere act of being inside of it should be pleasurable, or at least interesting. But no matter how it’s held, the Cobra Libre’s sleeve is cold and indifferent. It actually felt better to not be inside. An inauspicious start, to be sure, but perhaps the vibrations would do the trick.

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There are sixteen vibration patterns, but only two real types of vibration. Most of the settings employ the first type: a vague rumbling that on the higher settings ends up more distracting than arousing by virtue of how loud the rumbling becomes. Going back to the original analogy, at its higher settings the Cobra Libre sounds more like an old beater in need of an oil change than the high-powered sports-car suggested by its design. The second—and better—type of vibration is a more intense, rapid-fire vibration that actually delivered some welcome pleasure to my rapidly diminishing member.

Unfortunately there are only two settings that employ this superior vibration. One is continuous and unchanging, while the other is more interesting: an accelerative vibration that starts slow and increases in intensity, peaking for a moment, until it decreases again and restarts. This is the one setting on the Cobra Libre II that almost brought me to orgasm. Man, I wanted that orgasm. I could see it taunting me in the distance, but ultimately it disappeared, like one of those cloud-cities recently seen in China.

Man, I wanted that orgasm. I could see it taunting me in the distance, but ultimately it disappeared, like one of those cloud-cities recently seen in China.

Let me explain exactly why this sleek little device didn’t work on me. As told by the Fun Factory website, the CL II only “envelops the head of the penis,” not the whole thing. This is to say that there’s only about an index finger’s worth of depth to plumb. Now, I don’t know how it is for other penises, but on mine, the head is not where orgasms originate. I get far more stimulation on the lower part of the shaft than I do the upper, and I found myself wishing like hell that I could go balls deep in this thing and feel that intense vibration closer to the base.

When the CL II was used in tandem with other forms of stimulation—such as Heather’s gentle caress on my testicles (mmm) or the Pico Bong Transformer wrapped around them—then the feels began to be had, but we decided that to count this in CL’s favor would be cheating. Like Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder, it was ultimately up to the Cobra Libre itself to win this race on its own merits, but unlike Tom Cruise, it came up short.

cobra-libre-2-fun-factory-2One design-factor that contributed to its downfall is the inner part of the CL’s sleeve, another part of the toy that could be described as awkward. In addition to being so shallow, it’s curved in a way that doesn’t make sense, where it’s wide at the opening and tighter at the top, with one big arched rib leading to the tip. This is meant, I gather, to concentrate the vibrations at the tip, but like I said before, my own tip just wasn’t all that into it.

I found myself actually pressing in on the outer part of the sleeve so that it would actually make contact with my shaft and I could get some of that sweet vibratory action where it counted. But this, again, was simply awkward and distracting: the exact opposite of arousing.

Sharing as I do Heather’s inexplicable sympathy for inanimate objects, I honestly feel bad that I have to be so critical of the Cobra Libre II (and, by extension, a swell company like Fun Factory), but them’s the breaks. Many different strategies were employed on multiple occasions, and the Cobra Libre II did not get me off even once. I couldn’t even properly masturbate while it had its grip on me. Frustrating, because all the parts I wanted to stimulate were the parts seemingly being ignored by the toy’s design.

If you, reader, are reading this and know that your anatomy differs from mine, and you have a penis on which the head is the most sensitive part, maybe give the Cobra Libre II a try. If not, you may be better served to look elsewhere for your vibratory needs.

What a shame, Cobra Libre II did not liebe his dich. Onward and upward!

Thank you, Fun Factory, for sending us the Cobra Libre II to test, and thank you, Pinky, for your delightful review.

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