Lube

Review • Aloe Cadabra Personal Lubricant • Good Natured

aloe-cadabra-1The first bottle of Aloe Cadabra that was sent to me–unscented Natural Aloe– fell into a cup of coffee that was sitting next to my bed while I was masturbating. I didn’t realize until it was too late; the label now has a shabby chic antique sepia cast to rival the most Pinterest-worthy scrapbook instructional! Not a big deal except I hadn’t taken photos of the damn thing.

The rad peeps over at Aloe Cadabra sent me a new bottle– this time of Piña Colada flavor, along with samples of their other flavored offerings – Peppermint Tingle, French Lavender, and Tahitian Vanilla.

Aloe Cadabra is a plant-based lubricant, primarily composed of the gelatinous inner fillet of the aloe barbadensis plant, known for its soothing and moisturizing properties.

It’s 95% organic, so perfect for folks with sensitive skin and/or Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. MCS sufferers react negatively to a lot of synthetic chemicals; some common sensitivities include synthetic fragrances, car exhaust, cigarette smoke, paint fumes, and other inhalants and environmental toxicants. I used to be one of those individuals, and on occasion still suffer headaches if I use highly-scented beauty products, or sit next to a cigarette smoker/fragrance terrorist for too long.

Aloe Cadabra is pH balanced and boasts a very low osmolality – basically, high osmolality means that, when in contact with a substance that contains a higher salt and/or sugar content than is found naturally in the cells, the body attempts to reach equilibrium by pulling moisture out of the surrounding tissue. This leaves the tissues dehydrated and susceptible to chafing, microscopic tears, and infection. Aloe Cadabra’s osmolality is very close to that of the vagina. TL;DR this stuff won’t make your vadge shrivel up like a prune.

aloe-cadabra-2The packaging is very inconspicuous, though the label is a little scant. I get the impression they’re a small business incrementally making improvements to their design and marketing, so I’ll assume they’re aware of their label’s shortcomings. An unassuming label beats a label with Jack Off Juice Extra Thick Hole Grease emblazoned on it any day. That said, I’d really like to see a label on the back of the tube, so I can refer to the ingredients without tracking down the box or looking them up online.

It’s silicone toy- and latex condom-safe. Due to the fact that it’s a natural product, it does have a tendency to accumulate dried aloe crystals in the spout if you haven’t used it in a long time, much like a condiment that’s been sitting in your fridge. A leetle pricey at $14.00 for 2.5oz.

I like this lube for fooling around before my natch juices spring into action. It’s pleasant for PIV, but dries up in short order and requires reapplication when used externally on the vulva or penis for extensive stroking and schlicking. The longevity leaves something to be desired.

Aloe Cadabra is great for inserting things: butt plugs, kegel balls, specula, and the like. I coated my largest butt plug, Tantus Bronco, and popped it in my behind; there was no hassle when I used it in the assle. I switched between several butt plugs over the course of the day, and found that the plugs were easily withdrawn from my body, still coated in lube. I’d hesitate to use this for anal sex though: not enough cushy for the tushy. For anal sex or any kind of rigorous, marathon thrusting, I’d recommend an oil- or silicone-based lube, or silicone hybrid.

Okay, so now that that’s out of the way…the flavors!

  • Unscented Natural Aloe: not terrible. Slightly bittersweet taste, somewhat like that of love itself. The best bet for the super-sensitive crowd. 
  • French Lavender: too aromatherapy to be yummy in my mouth hole. Very lavender-y. Evokes a gingham picnic blanket spread out amidst a field of lavande Provençale…and getting boinked thereupon.
  • Piña Colada: yum. Tasty. Tropical. If you like getting caught in the rain n’ shit, slather some of this on your beloved–or belusted’s– junk, and go to town…or however that song goes.
vincent-price-the-tingler-01

Vincent Price in ‘The Tingler’

  • Tahitian Vanilla: tastes like sugar cookies. Vanilla and lavender taste nice mixed together, and it dampens the intensity of the lavender. Great for oral sex.
  • Peppermint Tingle: festive candy cane flavor. Holy crap, THE TINGLE!! This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of in a “cooling” lube. It’s potent, the sensation lasts, and not at all uncomfortable. I can see this doubling as an amazing after-sun lotion. By far the singular most tingular, titillating, icy fresh feeling my genitals have ever encountered. This is the Ice Breakers® gum my vagina dentata craves.

Get 20% off your first order & Free Shipping in the US* using code AFHeather

*Valid online at www.AloeCadabra.com. This code cannot be combined with other offers, coupons or promotional discounts. The code is valid once per email address and until further notice.

Thank you, Aloe Cadabra, for sending me lubes in exchange for an honest review!

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  • Great review! I’d like to try this lube sometime. I love that you mentioned osmolality.

    • Come Heather

      Thanks, Dizzy! I make everyone taste the piña colada flavor, like, “here, try this!”

      Is it weird to have seasonal lubes? Because I totally want to keep the peppermint as a holiday tradition – maybe as a stocking stuffer?

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