I am a negligent monster, you guys. I used bad lube. You know the kind I’m talking about: parabens, propylene glycol, dimethylpoly-what-the-fuck-is-this-chemical; for all I know it had microscopic shards of glass in it, my reaction was that bad. Sometimes lessons from The Universe come in the form of an irritated, itchy vulva that burns for weeks.
All I know is I’m lubing clean from now on. I’m on a journey to find lubes that won’t lead to a disgruntled cunt. That brings me to my first discovery: Coconu Personal Lubricant, which comes in both goo (water-based), and grease (oil-based) varieties.
Both preparations contain 100% natural ingredients, and are free of alcohol, cruelty, animal products, petrochemicals, parabens, GMOs, gluten, phylates, fragrances, and dyes. Bonus points for delightful packaging design.
Their oil-based formula is the only USDA-certified organic lubricant on the market. Both are compatible with silicone toys, and the oil-based works with polyurethane and lambskin condoms but not latex, nor polyisoprene.
I was a little leery about the idea of putting coconut water in my vagina, since it contains a small amount of sugar, but my fears were assuaged by the fact that coconut is rich in caprylic acid, which is an excellent defense against Candida albicans and other fungal baddies. Coconut water’s pH and salt content is also so similar to human blood plasma that it can be infused in emergency situations, so it’s not going to dry out your nether-regions. Published studies in medical journals are also pointing to coconut’s ability to kill viruses, including those that cause herpes, hepatitis C, and HIV. With that in mind, Coconu is not intended for STI prevention! If you are concerned about transmitting or acquiring an STI, please use safer sex practices.
Before using any lube, I highly recommend performing a patch test by rubbing a small amount on the inside of your elbow, since hypoallergenic doesn’t mean non-allergenic. You never know how your body is going to react to new substances; one ought to be safe lest one be sorry, as the saying goes.
I found the water-based formula to be thin (but not runny), non-mucoid, and gentle. This lube is compatible with all sex toy and condom materials. It has a light scent, somewhat reminiscent of baby wipes. The taste is a bit perfumey like classic lube: delicious it ain’t. It dries rather quickly, but doesn’t leave a tacky residue, and can be rejuvenated with a drop of water or saliva. Nothing untoward has happened to my downst-area so far, and I was able to easily insert toys, fingers, and a penis using this lube. Ideal for vaginal use, especially if you just need a little moisture to get the party started.
The oil-based product is, I believe, the shining star of this brand. It’s a smooth mixture of coconut and other oils, shea & cocoa butters, and beeswax. It has a thick consistency, but is easily squeezed out of the tube, and doesn’t harden like coconut oil in colder temperature. I have found that it crystallizes a tiny bit, which doesn’t affect the performance of the lubricant, since it melts into your skin upon contact with body heat. Because it’s oil, it has staying power, and works great for anal play. The taste and smell are minimal, if a little earthy, with notes of sunflower seed (the first ingredient happens to be sunflower seed oil). Unlike silicone lube, which doesn’t absorb, Coconu oil-based lubricant conditions your skin, and works great for massage. As I mentioned earlier, oil-based lubes are incompatible with latex and polyisoprene condoms. Some barrier methods that agree with oil-based lubricants include Trojan Supra, Durex Avanti, FC2 Non-Latex Female Condom, Hot Dam Non-Latex Dams, and Trojan Naturalamb.
It’s pretty expensive for lubricant, at $20-ish for three ounces. Luckily, if it doesn’t work for you, they have a 90 day money back (minus S/H) guarantee.
Thank you to Coconu for sending me lubricant in exchange for an honest review!
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