The landlady was coming over, so I hurriedly scoured the living room for obvious sex toys (like ya do), when Pinky asked, “what about the Flicky Licky?” He was, of course, referring to the Sqweel 2, the second generation of Lovehoney’s Oral Sex Simulator.
Sqweel 2 runs on 3 AAA batteries, possessing ten curved silicone flaps that revolve on an axle in three speeds. You can choose between downward licks, upward licks, and alternating up-and-down licks.
The original Sqweel was designed by Irishman Trev Murphy for Lovehoney’s Design A Sex Toy contest, and is touted as The World’s Best-Selling Oral Sex Simulator.
Personally, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if it feels like The Real Thing™, I just wanted to ram that tongue-wheel against my crotch while writhing about yelling, “Eat it! Eat it!” à la Grizelda in Desperate Living.
First, I let my thirsty Sqweel 2 lap up some viscous water-based lube, slathered some more on my vulva, and put those tongues to work. Taking this cunnilingus paddle wheel on its maiden voyage, I hadn’t yet heard The Good News of the Gospel of Epiphora and unwittingly broke her 1st Sqweel commandment, “Thou shalt not use the Sqweel when not aroused.” It took me a long time to orgasm because I was merely curious and not actually horny. She knows her shit, y’all.
The underside of my clitoris is too sensitive for this world, much like Vincent Van Gogh and the frenulum of an uncut cock, therefore I can only use the Sqweel 2 in downward lick mode. The other two modes are appropriate for Medieval Torture-meets-dystopic-future roleplay; I am not battle-hardened enough for that kind of clit-clobbering.
The mechanical noise that it emits isn’t terribly objectionable to me (I don’t live with anyone from whom I want to hide my masturbatory habits); this Lovehoney video gives you an idea of the decibels we’re working with.
I tried Sqweel 2 on two penises. They were both rather unmoved. Raised eyebrows, glancing at their junk as I flip-flapped away, I definitely got “really?” vibes. Stimulating their perinea precipitated a tad more sexual response. Overall, the dick verdict was “meh.” I did enjoy the initial eyes-widened “WTF?” expression this toy provoked at first whirrrr.
Unlike some other reviewers, I didn’t have a problem with the device eating my test subjects’ pubic hair.
I was really turned on tonight while masturbating my boyfriend with our very first masturbator sleeve, and after he ejaculated, I asked him to use Sqweel 2 on me. In a very straightforward manner, he placed the spinning flutterwheel on my goods, occasionally swaying it back and forth, and within five minutes I came. Putting the tongues between a labium majus and my clitoral shaft felt really good. He kept it on for a minute longer, and I came again…I set it aside, but then I was all like, “give me more robot head!” and it took me another 30 seconds before I came again. See, this time I was in the mood. I get it now.
Since I’ve become a sex toy reviewer, I’ve transformed into the epitome of sultry sex goddess, bringing wacky technology between the sheets, taking copious notes, scrutinizing the timing of my orgasms, and interrogating my partner. “Would you say it was easy to make me come with Sqweel 2?” “Very easy.” He replied.
The wheel has a tendency to slow down when pressed against flesh, so if you require a lot of pressure to get off, this may pose a problem. The smooth plastic base is also unwieldy and kept wanting to slip out of our lube-saturated hands; we both agreed a handle or a gritty texture on the sides would be a very nice addition to this toy.
As for clean-up, you can remove the locking front panel and pull the wheel out. The wheel itself is waterproof, but the base is only splash-proof, so you’ll want to wipe that part down (with a 10% bleach solution if killin’ microbes is your thang).
While it doesn’t feel like oral sex, it does have some similar qualities, and it might even be a good way to acclimate yourself to non-vibration/light pressure if you’re not capable of orgasm from oral sex and want to get there.
I am satisfied with my Sqweel 2: it’s cute, unique in its class, scares boys, and propelled me into ecstasy…what more could you want? Oh yeah, a freakin’ awesome return policy – FULL REFUND within 365 days of purchase! A whole year!
Thank you Lovehoney for sending me a Sqweel 2 in exchange for an honest review!
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